we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
