The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
