Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Are these your boobs on my camera?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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