I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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