I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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