Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
