You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
