He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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