Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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