My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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