i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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