It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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