I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
