what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
