I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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