R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I am midnight drunk by noon
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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