White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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