as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
