You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
