Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
