he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
