i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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