There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You are the jesus of drinking
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
