Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
