i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
