totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
