i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
