I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
