Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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