return my video game
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
