I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
