In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
