I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
