Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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