What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
