i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
