we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
