Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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