One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
