hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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