Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
