ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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