I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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