Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
