is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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