you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
