her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
there was a trapeze. enough said
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
