she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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