but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
