Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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