Reggie can tackle my bush.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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